<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Don't Get So Distressed by Ella (ellabellachicketychella)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27837187">Don't Get So Distressed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellabellachicketychella/pseuds/Ella'>Ella (ellabellachicketychella)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>why do the stars shine so bright [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Allura Actually Has Some Character Here!, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, M/M, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Supportive Lance (Voltron), Team as Family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27837187</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellabellachicketychella/pseuds/Ella</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Keith was little he was told to run, to leave, to learn when he wasn't wanted and run the other direction. To run when he wasn't needed, to save himself from the future hurt that was going to hit him like a truck and leave him more broken than he already was.</p><p>So Keith needed to run. Before this got painful.</p><p>---</p><p>Keith took a deep breath. “I’m leaving Voltron.”</p><p>“Ha,” Pidge snorted, “Okay Keith, and I’m a flying turtle—” there was a long pause. “What the fuck are you talking about?”</p><p>“I’m leaving Voltron, stepping down, whatever you want to call it.”</p><p>Hunk dropped the bowl that he was holding. “You’re not leaving.”</p><p>“I am.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allura &amp; Coran &amp; Hunk &amp; Keith &amp; Lance &amp; Pidge | Katie Holt &amp; Shiro, Keith/Lance (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>why do the stars shine so bright [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>223</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't Get So Distressed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>C.W / Trigger Warning: Keith and Shiro talk about their tragic backstories (kinda jokingly too, if that isn't your thing don't) so child abuse is mentioned, and child neglect is implied throughout this whole thing.</p><p>Keith gets stabbed, so blood warning.</p><p>Be careful, be safe, don't feel like you need to read if you don't want to!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith woke up one of three ways now. Option one, screaming. Option two, crying. Option three, having a panic attack. Or sometimes when he was lucky he’d just wake up and feel uneasy for no reason.</p><p> </p><p>So no, he wasn’t doing so hot.</p><p> </p><p>This time it was a mix of crying and shaking. He sat up straight away, as tears he didn’t know he had streamed down his face. His legs were shaking. He tried to close his eyes but all he could see was the murderous look in Shiro’s eye as he was going to bring his glowing hand down on Keith’s head.</p><p> </p><p>And kill him.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, Keith really wasn’t coping well.</p><p> </p><p>So he climbed out of bed because he decided that if sleeping was causing half of his problems. He just wasn’t going to sleep. Out of habit mostly, he grabbed his bayard. And went on auto-pilot as he stumbled his way to the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>With his eyes still half-closed he grabbed a snack bar and sat on top of the counter. His legs dangling off the bottom as he tried to blink away the remains of his tears. He didn’t, and instead, he ate his snack bar as he cried.</p><p> </p><p>This was a whole new low. Even for him.</p><p> </p><p>But Keith had a shovel, and he was prepared to dig.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When they couldn’t form Voltron, Keith pretended he wasn’t the weak link. Shiro was still recovering, so he wasn’t taking over Black. Everyone talked about why they couldn’t form Voltron.</p><p> </p><p>Lance was looking at him the entire time.</p><p> </p><p>Keith left.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>So Keith found himself on the training deck almost as often as he did when he was still new to Voltron and The Castle. When he was scared about being open and when he was still arguing with Lance because that was easier than trying to befriend him.</p><p> </p><p>The familiar clank of fighting the gladiators is one that Keith is familiar with, it’s basically engraved into his bones. Spinning, and fighting, and doing ballet moves to fight that he learnt just to annoy Adam because Adam was never good at ballet and Keith wanted to make him mad.</p><p> </p><p>It was really that simple.</p><p> </p><p>What’s less simple is Lance, walking in. Watching him, rather than doing anything. Before sitting on the sidelines, Keith swung again, hitting the gladiator with a clang, before it materialised to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Keith turned around, looking at Lance, a hand on a hip and the other holding his still transformed bayard. “Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“How are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“How are you,” Lance repeated, “I really thought you’re better than lying to everyone about your feelings.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith turned around and swung at a gladiator, and that went up in pixels. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m never better than lying to everyone about my feelings,” Keith walked over to the water pouch he left and stuck the straw in it. “I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance just raised an eyebrow, “Are you? Because I saw you scamper off after we couldn’t form Voltron, and I’m not one to accuse anyone—”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Keith snapped through gritted teeth. “It’s me. I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Keith, that’s not what I’m saying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, what are you saying?” Keith asked, turning around and looking at Lance. “Because I’m trying to get better, I’m trying to be better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Voltron doesn’t form when you’re not being honest with yourself… and us. So what’s wrong?” Lance crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. Keith opened and closed his mouth, before crossing his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Lance said, and it sounded too accusatory for Keith’s liking, “How do you not know what’s wrong?”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Because there are so many things wrong I don’t know which one I’m freaking out about!” Keith yelled, “Every time Shiro moves too fast I flinch, and I can’t sleep anymore without waking up, and—” Keith just gestured around himself, almost smacking himself in the face. “This! Everything! Nothing is right about this!”</p><p> </p><p>“Keith, calm down,” Lance said sternly and Keith threw the water pouch at him. Before walking straight past him, kicking him as he went. “Keith.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off,” he snapped. “You know nothing about my life.” Which was just a lie, Lance knew basically all there was to know. Everyone knew the events that had happened, but no one knew how Keith had coped with it all… only Shiro did.</p><p> </p><p>But considering when Shiro moved too fast Keith grabbed his bayard, he didn’t feel great about confiding in him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When Keith was… eight? He showed up at the matron’s office, who sighed at him.</p><p> </p><p>Keith had wanted to play cars with the others and they’d said no, and then Keith was quite offended about that. Which had ended in a brawl, and Keith came out surprisingly victorious out of the three kids ganging upon him.</p><p> </p><p>The matron sighed, “Keith…” she’d said, “You need to learn when you’re not wanted and leave, otherwise this will happen again.” </p><p> </p><p>Those words stuck with Keith for all of his life, and he could use those to describe just about every single decision he made up. Why he ran from The Garrison when he threw that knife at Iverson.</p><p> </p><p>It all really could be traced back to that sentence.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Learn when you’re not wanted and leave. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And that was something that no one else would understand, and Keith didn’t want them to. Because he wanted to run.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They were all lounged out across the living space, Keith was laying on his back, staring up at the roof. He was supposed to be relaxing, but all he could think of was how much work he had to do.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently, they had to register their bayards as something else completely different and Keith needed to read up on the weapon classifications on the planet, and then on the separate counties, then by the sections in those countries. </p><p> </p><p>How Shiro got anything done was beyond him.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you miss about Earth?” Pidge asked up into the general space that was theirs. “I miss… petting cute dogs on the street,” she sat up, her eyes alight and they were going to get a rant. “I also miss this fluffy mat that we used to have, and I’d move it into the sun and curl up on it and listen to podcasts, or I’d talk to Matt about… fuck knows, everything and nothing. About the stars and The Garrison and Shiro, and whatever we wanted to talk about. When we got older it turned into talking about science.”</p><p> </p><p>Hunk nodded, and Lance nodded pretending that he understood. Keith didn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>What did he miss?</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’d say something which was apparently revolutionary and Matt would run in,” Pidge had the biggest smile on her face, and if Zarkon was attacking Keith was pretty sure he’d wait until the end of the story. “He’d be like, ‘Dad! Dad! Katie’s a genius!’ And then he’d say something like… ‘She still ate out of the trash one time’ and then Matt would stalk away and take all of my ideas to The Garrison for school projects.”</p><p> </p><p>Maybe fast food… that was probably a sad thing to miss. Right? What did he actually miss?</p><p> </p><p>She smiled widely, before looking at Hunk. “Hunk? What do you miss?”</p><p> </p><p>“Everything,” Hunk smiled wistfully. “Everything. The smells, the feeling, knowing what stars were in the sky, and naming them with my little sister. She used to name all of the stars, names like Bob and Jerry and William, and she’d name them all until she went to sleep.” His smile was the softest that Keith had ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>What did Keith miss though? Because they were going to ask him and he needed an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’d carry her to bed and Mom and Ma would call me the best brother, and I was too old for that but I’d smile every time anyway. Oh, and their cooking,” Hunk sunk down in his seat. “Their cooking, food was ruined for me after that. Thank them for making me a food snob.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance snorted, “One time I insulted his potato salad and he didn’t talk to me for like… three days and I made him sympathy cupcakes, then he critiqued my sympathy cupcakes.”</p><p> </p><p>“They were dry!” Hunk yelled, before slapping his hand over his mouth and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I yelled.”</p><p> </p><p>Allura snorted and everyone looked at her, she slapped a hand over her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Very princess-like,” Keith said, “What do you miss?” He said, because he still needed more time to think. “About… Altea.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t need to answer,” Lance added and Keith rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Probably…” Allura hummed, “The animals, the way the air would hum around you, with a song that only the best of alchemists ever decoded. The alchemists would tell you why the stars twinkled, and why singing was so Altean and what make us different and what made us the same and why we mattered.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Lance asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Why, what?” Allura returned, her eyebrows furrowed.</p><p> </p><p>“Do the stars twinkle.”</p><p> </p><p>Allura’s eyes brightened and she gave a sly smile. “You will figure it out one day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will we?” Lance said slowly, drawing out the word longer than he had to. “Right, my go right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup,” Keith sighed and Lance scowled at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re moodier than usual, is your mullet too tight?” He asked and Keith just laid there, “Did you eat another lemon because Hunk took your bayard?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” He responded, in a tone that said everything that Lance needed to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, jeez,” Lance hummed. “I miss the rain. I haven’t felt rain anywhere else… so I like to think that it’s an Earth thing. The rain, kinda, maybe, represents Earth to me. You don’t accept it, you don’t wanna get caught up in it, but you get an appreciation in it when it’s not there.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith snorted and Allura hit him in the leg.</p><p> </p><p>“Also, bikes,” Lance said thoughtfully. “I miss bikes. And my family, and talking with my sister, and the huge McClain family gatherings, where my niece and nephew would— how long has it been?”</p><p> </p><p>Everyone shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“What if they’re fifty now and don’t remember me!” Panic was taking over Lance’s voice, “Oh God, what if we get back and no one remembers us?”</p><p> </p><p>That. That hit something in Keith. Only Adam knew that he existed, Adam was the only person back on Earth that knew where he was. Even before Voltron and the lions, Adam was the only one who knew.</p><p> </p><p>What if Adam wasn’t there? If he’d died, or moved on, or… something.</p><p> </p><p>Then Keith would be forgotten on his own planet.</p><p> </p><p>“They won’t forget you,” Keith sat up, crossing his legs underneath him. “Trust me. Your family could be greying and they’d still recognise you like they saw you yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about you?” Lance asked, clearly trying to divert the conversation and Keith let him because he was a coward. “What do you miss?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not much.” Keith didn’t even lie, and he was slightly impressed with himself. Pidge’s face became sad straight away, as did Hunk’s, while Allura looked at him curiously. “Well… I didn’t exactly have a lot on Earth. I think I miss one of Shiro’s friends… he used to buy me good icecream, not the dairy-free stuff, and Shiro would do the same.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro made a noise.</p><p> </p><p>Keith just smiled. “Can I say ice cream and McDonalds? Without sounding like the most pathetic person in the universe.”</p><p> </p><p>“If I recall,” Pidge pushed her glasses up on her nose. “I didn’t ask whether or not your thing was an abstract concept. You’re allowed to miss the simplest things. I miss a fluffy mat, Lance misses… probably his shrine to Shiro—”</p><p> </p><p>“I did not have a shrine to Shiro!” Lance shrieked and Shiro started laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude,” Hunk said, “You did.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance crossed his arms and pouted. “Fine. Shiro. What do you miss?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oranges,” Shiro sighed, “They were so good because Keith couldn’t eat them. He ate everything else, even raw chicken.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ew.” Pidge said, “You Galra weirdo.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s easier than cooking it,” Keith argued. “It tastes fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“It does not.” Hunk held a hand to his chest, he pointed towards the archway. “Close the door on your way out.”</p><p> </p><p>“There isn’t a door?” Keith said, looking between the archway and Hunk. </p><p> </p><p>“You heard me, leave you serf.” Hunk announced and Lance gasped in the background. “Chicken tastes fine raw, do you hear yourself!”</p><p> </p><p>“Every meat tastes fine raw,” Keith argued, without a lot of success, because Hunk raised his eyebrows and went to hit him with a pillow. “It’s easier than cooking it and when you guys can’t start a fire, I’m going to be eating my raw meat and you’ll be starving.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can start a fire?” Pidge said, “That’s like one of your two skills. Also, never say raw meat again,” she shuddered and everyone laughed.</p><p> </p><p>Because they might’ve all come away with some great revelations about each other, but Keith came away with one, startling obvious thing he’d tried to not give too much thought before.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone else had something, or someone else to go home to.</p><p> </p><p>So what was going to happen when Keith got home? And he was left for the better family that they all had?</p><p> </p><p>It hurt Keith’s heart to think about.</p><p> </p><p>But they were going to leave.</p><p> </p><p>So he had to prepare.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Contacting Lulio was much simpler than Keith thought it would be. Considering he was, first of all, a king and second of all, sorta a spy for The Blade of Marmora.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to join,” Keith had said and Lulio’s eyebrows had shot up, and he spun around to actually look at the camera, rather than cleaning his weapons. “The Blade of Marmora. I want to join.”</p><p> </p><p>“Um,” Lulio cleaned off a knife and looked around behind Keith. “I feel like your team wouldn’t really want that.”</p><p> </p><p>“The team don’t know what’s best for me,” Keith said and Lulio raised an eyebrow. “Nothing they say could stop me from leaving anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Which was a blatant lie. There were more things that they could say to get Keith to stay, then how many things they could say to get him to leave. But Lulio didn’t need to know that.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, Keith. I’m not sure what’s happening, but running isn’t going to help or fix any of it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It might,” Keith said weakly, and it was a bad argument even to him. “No one gets it,” Keith crossed his arms. “If I’m running, who are you to say that it won’t work. It’s worked my entire life.”</p><p> </p><p>“But did you have six of the most determined people in the universe on your side then? From what I’ve heard from Lance, they’d find you, even if you didn’t want to be found. They care about you.”</p><p> </p><p>“For now,” Keith muttered, running a hand down his face. “You know what, whatever, you’re no help anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“Keith… they care.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith shut off the video, before sitting back in his seat. Covering his face as he hunched over. Rubbing at his eyes, in what was going to be a futile attempt to stop himself from crying.</p><p> </p><p>He heard footsteps and Keith sat up, giving a final rub at his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Shiro said and Keith suppressed the urge to groan. “You’ve been a hard man to find.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Keith said before he could stop himself. He wasn’t sure why he was apologising, but when he thought about it the reasons started pouring. “I’m supposed to be better than this, and I should’ve done more and I’m a trash leader and I don’t know why I’m still here—”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, hey,” Shiro sat down next to Keith. “It’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith just ran a hand down his face, shaking his head. “I knew something was wrong, I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything. Lance did everything and—” he rubbed his eyes again. </p><p> </p><p>Shiro didn’t say anything straight away, instead looking at Keith, his eyes soft and gentle. “Keith, it’s okay. No one expects you to do everything by yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Instead of saying anything Keith just sat there, hugging his knees to his chest. And Shiro didn’t say anything either. </p><p> </p><p>They sat for a while, in a silence that Keith wished was broken, but he didn’t know how to break it.</p><p> </p><p>“When I was like… thirteen,” Shiro started and Keith knew that this was going to have a moral. “Some boys found out I was gay, and so they basically kicked me out of their friend group because they thought I liked one of them… which I did, but besides the point.” Keith smiled a little. “They told me to, ‘get lost, no one wants you’ and for too long I believed that was true.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith sighed, hugging his knees a bit tighter. “Then I met Adam.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no,” Keith muttered. “I know how you and Adam met.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Shiro said, “I met Adam, then I met you. And I knew that wasn’t true, people did want me around. Despite everything, all the medical issues, how I essentially had a child of my own.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Keith said because he didn’t quite know what else to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t speak for everyone, but I want you here. Almost more than anything and that has to count for something… right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. What was it like?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Having your body being controlled.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro hummed, glancing at Keith then back at the holo-table. “I don’t really know,” Shiro said, “There were huge gaps in my memory when it first happened. Then I got trapped in someone else’s body.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith wrinkled up his nose, “Ew. I called you baby.”</p><p> </p><p>“You did,” Shiro said with a grin, “And I’m going to tease you about that until the day you die. Adam will find this hilarious.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Also,” Shiro said, hitting Keith in the arm. “How did Lance feel about that?”</p><p> </p><p>Keith shrugged, “Probably very little.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro grinned, nudging Keith’s shoulder with his own. “Keith has a crush,” he singsonged, grinning. “A huge gigantic crush.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t miss you at all,” Keith deadpanned and Shiro paused for a second, before nudging Keith with his shoulder some more. “Fuck off,” he laughed and Shiro must’ve taken that as a win because he sat up straighter and stopped nudging him.</p><p> </p><p>“What was the Quintessence swap like?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um…” Shiro scratched his forehead. “It didn’t hurt, that was apparently because our Quintessence hadn’t been intertwined because it was so different. And considering the healers have never come across people where a lot of Quintessence is intertwined… it didn’t hurt at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lance and I saw the ritual,” Keith crossed his arms. “Apparently you barely reacted.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…” Shiro looked down at his prosthetic arm. “It didn’t hurt as much as this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro gave a half shrug, before looking at Keith. “I know what I said to you, and what I did to the both of you—”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t blame yourself,” Keith looked straight ahead. “No one else blames you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then why do you blame yourself?” Shiro asked, and Keith refused to even spare Shiro a glance. “I— it was my fault, I should’ve told someone what I’d done.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you healed?” Keith’s voice startled him, with a newfound strength. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…” Shiro’s voice was quiet. “I’m healed. But Lance is always going to have that scar, and I still tried to kill both of you. I still called you those horrible things.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s whatever. You weren’t in control.”</p><p> </p><p>“I still did them and my mistakes were what caused that.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith stood up, slamming his hands on the holo-table, making Shiro jump. “Shut up! Shut up! It wasn’t your fault, I know you have a fucking complex. You’re not the centre of the universe, things like this happen, and it’s not always your fault. You’re human, you make mistakes, you fuck up so much that you can’t salvage the situation, no one expects you to be the beacon of perfection all the time, you’re Shiro, you’re not a fucking— whatever you think you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“They look up to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Keith basically screamed, “Because you’re human, no one respects a robot. They look up to you because you’re a good person and because you laugh and cry like the rest of them!”</p><p> </p><p>With a pause for a breath, he took a deep breath. “Not everything is your fault,” he repeated, his voice a bit calmer, but not much. “You’re human. Their perceptions of you are so different, you were like a legend, but now you’re the nerd who says Nani unironically.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro snorted and Keith folded his arms. </p><p> </p><p>“There.”</p><p> </p><p>There were running footsteps and Pidge’s head popped in through the doorway. “Keith, why are you screaming?”</p><p> </p><p>“I do that sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fair enough,” Pidge said with a hum, turning around. Before stopping and running back into the room. Hugging Shiro, then hugging Keith. “Okay, are you done screaming?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Great! Wanna come to play a video game with Hunk, Allura, Lance and I?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to the deck,” Keith crossed his arms. “Get me if you need me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll come,” Shiro stood up, his legs slightly wobbly, and he grabbed onto Keith’s shoulder. “This is gonna take a while, my body feels weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Weird?” Pidge reaffirmed, bringing a tablet out of nowhere. “Explain how.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like I’m not used to using everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Interesting,” she hummed and tapped her stylus on the tablet. “That could be a mix of adjusting to not having muscular dystrophy and having not been in your body for a while. Probably all of that muscle mass—” she poked Shiro in the arm. “Damn. You could bench press one of our lions.”</p><p> </p><p>“I really couldn’t—”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t even train that much anymore,” Pidge poked him again in the arm. “What sort of fucked up genetics?”</p><p> </p><p>“It meant my muscles wouldn’t tap out before I was like… twenty,” Shiro said before Keith and Pidge looked at him in slight horror. “That’s a joke.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus,” Pidge muttered. “Now there are two of you joking about your tragic backstories. You’re unstoppable.”</p><p> </p><p>“My backstory’s more tragic,” Keith crossed his arms and Shiro raised an eyebrow at him. “I lost everyone important to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” Keith muttered, “At least you’re not part alien.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro gestured at his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck..." Keith muttered, "My stories sadder.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?” Pidge whispered, “You’re fighting over who had the worst life. What the fuck is wrong with you? Get a therapist don’t argue over who is more traumatised.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shiro’s more traumatised,” Keith said casually, and Shiro nodded next to him, “My story’s just sadder because I was a child.”</p><p> </p><p>Pidge pulled a face, “Holy shit,” is what she said, “You need a therapist.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup,” Shiro sighed, “Real bad.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith nodded. </p><p> </p><p>Walking towards the training deck as Shiro and Pidge went the opposite way to play video games with the others.</p><p> </p><p>He’d kept it together mostly, he’d only screamed at Shiro a little bit, and Keith didn’t know if he was talking to himself or Shiro when he said that it wasn’t his fault. Maybe part of it was that he wanted someone to aggressively care about him… not aggressively as such, just a lot.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted someone to care a lot and for a long time.</p><p> </p><p>Sure, the team cared now. But they all had everything back on Earth, they had things better than Keith and Keith wasn’t going to blame them for eventually pushing him away, he wouldn’t want to spend any extra time with someone like himself, so why would the others?</p><p> </p><p>Hence why Keith was pushing away first.</p><p> </p><p>And sure, it would suck. But Keith was sick of being the one who got hurt first. Just for once, he wanted to pretend he had control over the situation. Just once, he didn’t want to crawl away broken.</p><p> </p><p>Not-Shiro had said that he was broken.</p><p> </p><p>Not-Shiro was right.</p><p> </p><p>With that clusterfuck of emotions dancing around in his head, he grabbed the staff leaning against the wall and sighed. “Start level… fifteen.”</p><p> </p><p>It was higher than he normally went, but Keith needed a distraction better than he normally needed. Three gladiators materialized out of the ground, two with swords, one with a staff and Keith closed his eyes for a second.</p><p> </p><p>Getting a bearing of his surroundings, shifting his foot. Before opening his eyes again and looking at the gladiators, his staff at the ready and his eyes alight with something that he was never able to place.</p><p> </p><p>Two of them ran forward, and Keith ducked underneath them. Ducking and weaving between the sworded gladiators to stop in front of the staffed one, slamming his own staff forward and getting it blocked.</p><p> </p><p>He ducked under a sword swing he knew was coming without looking, before throwing himself to the side. Hitting the staffed gladiator in the side with the staff, who made a beeping noise, and fell into the floor.</p><p> </p><p>Great. The easiest one was down.</p><p> </p><p>Only another one to go.</p><p> </p><p>Keith grabbed the bayard clipped to his belt, and transformed it, with a loud sheathing noise before both gladiators attacked. He blocked one with his staff, and the other with his sword. Hearing the clang and staggering back.</p><p> </p><p>Now.</p><p> </p><p>Later Keith would blame a few things. The first was his lack of sleep, he’d barely gotten any sleep since he got back from La-Kua. The second was how he was thinking about how he needed to contact the leader of the planet they were about to go on, the third was him being a failure in general and the fourth was all the emotions that he was having and not dealing with well.</p><p> </p><p>All of that led up into the clusterfuck of events that took place.</p><p> </p><p>And boy was it a clusterfuck.</p><p> </p><p>One of the gladiators swung at his leg, and Keith darted out of the way. As the other one hit Keith’s bayard, sending it flying out of his hand and landing on the floor. Apparently with enough force that it stood upright for longer than it needed.</p><p> </p><p>The other gladiator took this as an opportunity and knocked Keith flat onto his bayard.</p><p> </p><p>Which impaled him.</p><p> </p><p>The scream that escaped his lips wasn't one that he could control. He felt blinding pain through his abdomen.</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck. Stop!" Keith cried out and the gladiators turned into pixels. Leaving Keith with his bayard in his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>"You're fucking kidding me," Keith said, barely a whisper. As pain took over his body.</p><p> </p><p>It seared, sending pain everywhere not just in his stomach and Keith cried out again, slapping his hand over his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Coran. He needed Coran.</p><p> </p><p>Or Shiro. Or anyone.</p><p> </p><p>Keith groaned as he sat up slowly. Crying out as something sliced and tears formed in his eyes unapologetically.</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck." He whispered. "Can this thing even contact Coran?"</p><p> </p><p>He stayed sitting, but not because it was comfortable but because moving too much sent agony coursing through his bones.</p><p> </p><p>So. He needed to get someone. Because he had to be losing blood, and quickly. </p><p> </p><p>"Hello?" He yelled out. "Can someone give me a hand?"</p><p> </p><p>It was silent and Keith resisted the urge to swear even more than he already had. His head felt slightly fuzzy and he looked down.</p><p> </p><p>A fucking murder scene.</p><p> </p><p>Blood was soaking through his black t-shirt. If he could remember correctly, bayards had some properties to put the person being stabbed in pain and for it to bleed more </p><p> </p><p>Great.</p><p> </p><p>With a groan he took a deep breath, ignoring the agony twisting and bending inside of him. It boiled almost.</p><p> </p><p>Another agonising stab of pain and Keith lost his train of thought.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Pain. Pain, pain, pain. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Keith sat up, and took a deep breath. “Hello?” It was as loud as he could manage, which wasn’t that loudly. Considering Keith was bleeding and he probably had to yell through walls and what was probably the sound of a video game.</p><p> </p><p>Another burst of pain shot through him and Keith groaned, holding his stomach, careful not the brush the bayard so he’d feel even more pain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Pain. Pain. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He fucking knew!<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“For fuck’s sake!” He yelled, because he was going to bleed out when his friends were basically next door. </p><p> </p><p>There were frantic footsteps and Keith actually straightened up. Before a dishevelled looking Lance was at the doorway, he paused and looked at Keith. His expression morphing into one of concern, the sort of expression that Keith wasn’t very used to being on the receiving end of.</p><p> </p><p>Lance was by his side in what felt like a split second. An arm propped under his neck and the other hovering everywhere, trying to do something.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” Keith said.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck happened?” Lance asked, before turning over his shoulder. “Shiro! We need a pod and Coran!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s complicated,” Keith muttered, leaning his head against Lance’s arm. Deciding that this was the most comfortable place that Keith had ever been in. “I’m an idiot.” Keith muttered, “Like, an actual fucking idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down,” Lance said softly.</p><p> </p><p>More figures appeared at the doorway, and guessing by the blurry blobs of colours. They were Pidge, Allura and Hunk. And Pidge, or the green blob as Keith had dubbed her, rushed over.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my fucking God!” She said, her voice breaking.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that bad,” Keith muttered, even if it was that bad. “It’s just… my bayard. In my stomach. Near all of my vital organs. I’m really not helping, am I?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Lance smoothed out some of his hair. “You’re really not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool.” Keith murmured, and held onto Pidge’s arm. “I’m so stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, fucking shit!” Pidge yelled. “Most people… don’t do this!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine Pidge. A light stabbing never hurt anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can see the sword going through your body!” Pidge yelled, and Keith heard retching noises in the background. Ew. “What do you count as a light stabbing?”</p><p> </p><p>“How did y’all hear me,” Keith said.</p><p> </p><p>“Lance felt something was wrong,” Pidge stuttered through a mess of words that Keith was barely able to piece together. “And we heard you yelling.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sick.” Keith muttered into the air. </p><p> </p><p>Lance made a confused noise.</p><p> </p><p>“No like I’m gonna—” Keith leant forward, ignoring the pain in his stomach as he did so. And removed all of the food from his stomach, which was a blue food goo.</p><p> </p><p>The vomit was blue.</p><p> </p><p>Hunk retched a bit more, and Allura must’ve taken him out, because the sound of retching got quieter. </p><p> </p><p>“Ew.” Keith said into the air. “Fuck I’m an idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>The next bit was fuzzy at best. Shiro carrying him, and smoothing out his hair the way he used to when Keith was sick as a child. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “You’re fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith must’ve not agreed, because he remembered a splash of blue vomit, and the sound it made when it hit the ground made Keith shudder and he didn’t remember Shiro even reacting. Maybe he said that it was okay?</p><p> </p><p>Then Coran fussing over him.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing was Keith trying to fight Shiro and stay out of a pod, but he still remembered being trapped in the pod, and trying to get out. Then… nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Until something.</p><p> </p><p>He landed in someone's arms and jumped away. Several pairs of eyes were looking at him with concern. Keith dragged a hand down his face and sighed, almost exhausted. </p><p> </p><p>“Look. I know I fucked up—”</p><p> </p><p>Lance looked at him like he was insane. “You impaled yourself on your bayard.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you even do that?” Shiro asked, an eyebrow raised.</p><p> </p><p>“By being an idiot,” Keith muttered. “Fuck that was dumb.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance shuffled on his feet and Keith couldn’t help but having his eyes drawn to the scar on his face. It didn’t match Lance’s face, it looked out of place, like it was drawn on his face with a pen or something.</p><p> </p><p>It was permanent.</p><p> </p><p>Why was Lance always getting stabbed for him?</p><p> </p><p>Could he stop that?</p><p> </p><p>Keith’s eyes fell back on Shiro. “You’re not allowed on the training deck.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Keith yelled, and lots of it was taking away one of his only healthy coping mechanisms. “You can’t basically… ground me! I’m an adult.”</p><p> </p><p>“Adults don’t impale themselves.”</p><p> </p><p>“Adults don’t keep secrets because they're scared, most adults don’t go to a foreign planet to go through a cult ritual and then don't tell their team what they did because they’re scared of being vulnerable.” Keith replied flatly.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re one to talk about being vulnerable,” Shiro replied just as flatly. This was how Adam and Keith used to fight, in flat tones. “Don’t be a hypocrite, you’re keeping secrets too.”</p><p> </p><p>“My secrets can’t fuck over the team,” Keith yelled, and Lance was awkwardly looking between the pair. “My secret didn’t get Lance a scar on his face.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Lance said, moving between the pair of them. “We’re not doing this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, we’re doing this,” Keith said, pushing Lance out of the way, not violently, just sorta moving him to the side. “Let me get this right? Shiro fucks up so hard that an apology isn’t going to fix it, and we just move on?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Hunk added from the background and Keith turned around to glare at him. “Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith gestured at Shiro, a bit wildly. “You fucked up.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Shiro crossed his arms. “I am well aware.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you haven’t even said anything about it, can you really not handle being the hero that we all look up to? You’re human.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did talk about it,” Shiro crossed his arms and pursed his lips. “You were out. I said that I needed to trust in you guys more, and just because I didn’t want to leave you alone in the middle of a war doesn’t mean that I should’ve done it. I should’ve been truthful. But it would’ve hurt you to know that I was dying—”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not an apology,” Keith glared. “Someone who I respect very much taught me how to apologise. And that’s not it.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro took a deep breath, crossing his arms. “I’m sorry. For not trusting you, for keeping secrets from you and for going behind your backs. Saying sorry isn’t going to fix it, but I’m really sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith nodded shortly, “I’m going to the training deck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, fuck no,” Pidge said, grabbing Keith as he tried to get past her. “You just impaled yourself. You’re not allowed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m the leader,” Keith scowled. “Shiro might be back, but he’s not my parent.”</p><p> </p><p>“I legally adopted you,” Shiro said and Keith flipped him off. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m eighteen,” Keith argued, “Also you’re supposed to be dead right now.”</p><p>Shiro shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>Keith picked up Pidge, and twirled her around. Setting her on the ground and walking down the hallway. Pidge squawked, and complained about being treated like a baby.</p><p> </p><p>Lance watched Keith go, and stared.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone stared at each other for a long time, not saying anything and trying to realise what had just happened.</p><p> </p><p>Keith had yelled at Shiro, which was weird for several reasons. And then man-handled Pidge out of the way, which also didn’t seem like a very Keith move. Keith was more likely to try and talk his way out of it.</p><p> </p><p>Lance tapped his foot on the ground, before turning around. </p><p> </p><p>“Lance? What are you doing?” Shiro asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Going after him.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not a good idea,” Allura said, her arms crossed tightly. “You know how prone Keith is to outbursts.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care,” Lance kept walking down the hallway. “He’s not going to hurt me, and he might impale himself again. I don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lance!” Allura yelled and Lance spun around, holding his arms out in a question. “Don’t walk through that doorway or so help me—”</p><p> </p><p>Lance stepped through the doorway. Flipping off Shiro and Allura as he walked backwards, as Pidge started to explain to Allura what that meant as Lance basically ran to the training deck…</p><p> </p><p>It was empty.</p><p> </p><p>He stared around for a long time, waiting for the smallest movement to reveal that Keith was there. </p><p> </p><p>But it wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>It was silent.</p><p> </p><p>And Keith wasn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>Lance spun around straight away, thinking of the two places that Keith could be. A lions hangar, or his bedroom. And Lance couldn’t explain why, maybe it was that he’d known Keith for so long, or knew him so well, but he went towards the hangars.</p><p> </p><p>For a split second he paused in front of Black’s hangar, before shaking his head and walking past.</p><p> </p><p>Red’s hangar was close enough, and Lance stepped inside.</p><p> </p><p>Keith was perched on Red’s foot. His arms crossed, and his head bowed, so all Lance was able to see was hair covering his face. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly Lance stepped forwards, being careful to not make too much noise. His footsteps were muffled, using a trick he learnt at The Garrison, which was to hit the ground with your toes first and then put down the rest of your foot slowly.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually Lance was in front of Keith, who looked up tiredly. His eyes were tired, and filled with tears, which were blinked away incredibly quickly.</p><p> </p><p>Keith stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, looking everywhere but at Lance. “Um… I’m sorry I’ll just—”</p><p> </p><p>Lance instead pushed Keith back onto Red’s paw and Keith looked up at him in surprise. “Um?”</p><p> </p><p>“Relax,” Lance sat down next to Keith. Their shoulders pressed up against each other. “I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>“And?” Keith replied, and Lance had closed his eyes, but he could hear the smile in his voice. “Is that supposed to give me any relief?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not really,” Lance said, “Just knowing someone’s here is nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re an idiot,” Keith muttered. “A complete and utter idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance didn’t say anything, because Keith wasn’t wrong. Instead leaning against Keith, resting his head against Keith’s shoulder. Something that his height gave him, being able to lean against Keith.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to go to sleep now. And if you wake me up on purpose I’ll be mad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh—”</p><p> </p><p>“Not actually Keith,” Lance laughed and Keith nodded. His hair brushed Lance’s forehead as he nodded. “Goodnight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Night.”</p><p> </p><p>And if Pidge announced loudly that she got a photo, Lance pretended to be offended and that he was going to yeet her small little body out of the airlock and Keith rolled his eyes so much that they were probably going to be stuck like that.</p><p> </p><p>If Lance asked for the photo afterwards. Pidge just grinned, muttering something about, “oblivious fuckers.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith was not fine.</p><p> </p><p>There was not a particular moment that lead to this revelation for Lance, more over a week or two he started putting behaviours that didn’t make sense for someone who was currently emotionally stable and secure.</p><p> </p><p>One was that he was pulling away from everyone, he didn’t play video games with Hunk and Pidge and him anymore, instead Allura and Shiro would join in. Leaving Keith roaming The Castle.</p><p> </p><p>Even Coran joined in a couple of times to play what seemed to be some sort of version of Mario Kart and Keith didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t join in anything.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing that really made it click, was before a mission. Keith used to say what they were doing, and Lance would add some bits and explain some bits. But at the mission meeting, the one they had before… Keith said nothing.</p><p> </p><p>He made Lance do it all.</p><p> </p><p>And Lance wasn’t complaining, he didn’t mind.</p><p> </p><p>But Keith’s eyes were sad and Lance didn’t know what to do about it.</p><p> </p><p>Because whenever Lance tried to reach out, Keith would run away quicker than Lance could catch up to him.</p><p> </p><p>That’s what it always felt like, Lance was running to catch up to Keith, and no matter how hard he’d try he was never fast enough to be on his level. He was always running after Keith, never running beside him.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a metaphor and a half,” Lance muttered and Pidge looked at him, an eyebrow raised.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They still couldn’t form Voltron.</p><p> </p><p>People were still getting hurt, planets were still getting invaded. And, there was just nothing that they could do.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Everything came to a head not that long afterwards.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone (apart from Keith) was sitting in the living area and Lance was sitting on the edge of his seat, watching the Altean movie. Staring at the actors, watching them interact and speak to each other.</p><p> </p><p>He was so engrossed that he didn’t even see or hear Keith enter.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually there was a break in the movie and Keith cleared his throat, tapping his foot on the ground and then looking around again. Refusing to look in the general direction of anyone.</p><p> </p><p>Lance was concerned.</p><p> </p><p>Keith took a deep breath. “I’m leaving Voltron.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha,” Pidge snorted, “Okay Keith, and I’m a flying turtle—” there was a moment when Keith didn’t start laughing and Pidge whipped around so fast that her glasses fell off of her nose. “What the fuck are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a beat, and Keith looked like he was trying to get his emotions in check. “I’m leaving Voltron, stepping down, whatever you want to call it.”</p><p> </p><p>Hunk dropped the bowl that he was holding and turned around, standing up and looking at Keith. His mouth slightly open. “You’re not leaving.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance was just watching at this moment, he currently didn’t have any emotions about it, and he wasn’t going to have any emotions about it until he figured out what Keith was actually thinking.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not leaving,” Shiro repeated Hunk, “You— what?”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I’m leaving. Tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where the fuck will you go?” Pidge yelled, and that wasn’t going to be the best approach. Yelling at Keith would push him away. “We’re out in the middle of fuck knows, and if you leave we don’t have a black paladin.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith looked at Lance. “You do.” His eyes flickered to Shiro. “You have a black paladin, and Shiro— or whoever, is going to do a better job at it.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s bullshit,” Pidge slammed her fists onto the back of the couch and Lance crossed his arms. </p><p> </p><p>Allura was covering her mouth, her eyes still wide in shock. Coran was shaking his head slightly, but remained mostly stoic, apart from his mustache twitching a little bit. Hunk’s grip on his bowl made his knuckles turn white. Pidge… well she was quite mad, so that was her reaction. Shiro just looked concerned.</p><p> </p><p>Lance didn’t know how to feel at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Pidge waved an arm, “You fuck up sometimes… and we can’t form Voltron right now, and you’ve kinda been a jerk lately. But so has Shiro, Shiro fucked up, we couldn’t from Voltron sometimes when Shiro was leading and Shiro could be a jerk sometimes!”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro nodded and Lance crossed his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Lance?” Allura asked, and that was the first thing she’d said. “Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I dunno,” Lance said, standing up. “I guess… I’m just sad because Keith feels like he fucked this up so hard and we didn’t help him. We all thought that he’d be like Shiro, but Shiro’s leadership wasn’t exactly healthy either.” He looked at Shiro. “Sorry buddy.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“And… Keith is a really good leader, he’s human… well, y’know. And I’m not sure why he thinks that he’s some sort of monster for making mistakes.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith took a deep breath, “Because I am a monster. Aren’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Pidge, Hunk and Allura said in perfect sync.</p><p> </p><p>He took another deep breath, and his eyes were watering slightly. “I dropped Lance… remember that? That small fact that I basically killed Lance and we all decided to gloss over that— or when we thought Lance died and we were messes! Or when Shiro literally felt his body being taken over bit by bit and we just glossed over that, and glossed over what Shiro had been through.”</p><p> </p><p>“Keith—” Allura started.</p><p> </p><p>“Or when Lance almost died the second time on Dubux, when the building nearly fell in on him. Or when… I dunno, my brother tried to kill me and called me a monster and burnt Lance and gave him a scar. And when Allura hated me because of something I couldn’t control.” It was quiet for a long moment, because no one could think of anything to say.</p><p> </p><p>Not even Lance, who always had something to say, had nothing to say. </p><p> </p><p>“I shouldn’t be piloting Black but for some reason I am, and I’m not sure why I’m worthy at all because I’m a monster and I’m broken and I’m a freak.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance actually could pinpoint the moment his heart shattered.</p><p> </p><p>Keith smiled, and it was twisted and forced. But it looked strangely natural on his face, like he was used to smiling like this, as an ugly fake smile which seemed cruel to even call a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Keith continued like nothing had happened, his arms crossed and his expression trying to be guarded. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m leaving. So someone else can take my place and hopefully they’re not… like me.” Keith’s voice broke on ‘like me’ and Lance felt something in his chest .</p><p> </p><p>Before vaulting over the couch and wrapping his arms around Keith’s hunched, broken frame. His arms hugged Keith’s shoulders and arms, which had been crossed, in what was supposed to be a defence.</p><p> </p><p>If Lance couldn’t go through that defence.</p><p> </p><p>He’d go around it.</p><p> </p><p>Keith was shaking, and Lance knew that he was crying without needing to see it. He held Keith tighter, as he was shaking and made a small noise into his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>It was a small, broken, quiet noise, and it seemed to be one that had accumulated after months, maybe years of being hurt and hurt, again and again.</p><p> </p><p>Lance managed to slip his arms between Keith’s, and wrapped his arms around his properly. His hands ghosting over Keith’s back, deciding whether or not to rest his hands there. Before letting his hands splay across Keith’s back.</p><p> </p><p>Then Keith let out a sob, before crying the same way he fought. With force, with the force that most people vomited, Keith cried. It was violent. And Lance hadn’t been ready for it, so didn’t have time to brace himself.</p><p> </p><p>So instead of falling over, he held Keith tighter. As his body convulsed as he cried.</p><p> </p><p>None of the books Lance read mentioned all the snot, his shirt was drenched, and covered in snot. But Lance couldn’t find himself to care all that much about the snot and tears when Keith was… crying like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” He whispered, rubbing a hand on Keith’s back like Veronica used to. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Keith basically yelled through sobs, “I’m so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing to apologise for,” Lance wrapped his arms around Keith harder. Pulling him closer so their chests were pressed together. “You’ve done nothing wrong. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>He had no clue where the others were, or if they were watching, or if they were waiting outside to all tackle Keith with their own affection and love. But right now, Lance was going his thing.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he wondered when he became the one who knew how to reach out to Keith rather than Shiro. Because he wanted to cherish this moment forever, and he wanted to be the one comforting Keith.</p><p> </p><p>Selfish? Probably.</p><p> </p><p>Lance rubbed small, hopefully soothing circles on his back. Lance’s other hand managed to find its way to Keith’s hair, smoothing out the messiness that was Keith’s mullet. His fingers were also trying to get out knots as Keith cried into his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>It was an exhausted cry. </p><p> </p><p>One that was years of emotions being let out all at once.</p><p> </p><p>All Lance could think was: <em> let the floodgates break. </em>Because fuck, if Keith had been holding in these emotions for so long, Lance didn’t know how he was functioning as a person.</p><p> </p><p>Keith let out another loud sob, and grabbed fistfulls of Lance’s shirt and held onto them like they were the only thing stopping him from falling into a pile of ash and bone. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, but surely, the crying lessened. Until Keith was just sniffling into his shoulder, rather than having full body shakes and what was essentially wailing into his shoulder. Instead, he was just holding onto Lance.</p><p> </p><p>Lance held Keith for as long as he wanted to be held, which was a long time after he was done crying. Long enough that the tears and snot must’ve dried on Keith’s face and his shirt. </p><p> </p><p>In his gut, Lance knew he was going to have a bi panic later. But right now his priority was Keith Kogane, because this would’ve been a bad time to have a bi panic.</p><p> </p><p>Keith wiped at his face and nose, and Lance let go of him. “There’s snot on your shirt.”</p><p> </p><p>“There is,” Lance looked down at his shirt, “Ah, well.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re an idiot,” Keith whispered, “An idiot. A stupid, stupid, dumb, idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Lance put his hands up in a false surrender, “No need to attack me like this.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith smiled, a true, proper smile and that in itself was worth entire universes. “I have an important question.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance paused for a second. Because that could’ve meant several things and Lance really, really wanted it to be one thing in particular. Hence why, his heart started hammering so hard that he wasn’t surprised that his heart launched out of his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Keith opened his mouth, and closed it.</p><p> </p><p>Was this it?</p><p> </p><p>“Who are Aang and Katara? Pidge keeps mentioning them, and she calls us Zuko and Sokka in a different font—” Keith took a deep breath. “Please. I am so confused, you need to help me.”</p><p> </p><p>“They’re from a TV show,” Lance laughed, shaking his head. Because no, he wasn’t asked out. But he was just given another reason to fall in love with Keith. “Zuko’s the angsty red one with parental issues, Sokka is the blue, comic relief, badass, ladies man character.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right…” Keith said, rubbing at his eyes, which were red and still had some tears that hadn’t dried on his lashes. “Adds up.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance smiled, “I can’t believe you sometimes.” Which meant more than he was probably going to ever tell Keith. </p><p> </p><p>“Keith, I’m not going to force you to stay. But I— we, want you here. I care about you, you once said I was the soul of Voltron, and that makes you— the something, and it doesn’t matter what. Voltron doesn’t work without you, who else will go southern when bullied? Who else will rush into a building without a plan and make it up as they go along? Who’s going to talk about conspiracy theories with Pidge, or cook with Hunk, or strategize with Allura, or spar with me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I dunno,” Keith mumbled. “You probably.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dude. How can I spar with myself? Also, I don’t believe the moon landing was faked.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was!”</p><p> </p><p>“Keith. We’ve been on moons.”</p><p> </p><p>“About eighty years after the first moon landing, there was no way that they could’ve done it in 1969.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance sighed, “See? I wouldn’t do that. Look, Pidge has already lost one brother. I don’t want to think what would happen if she lost another one.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to leave,” Keith said, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Then why were you going to?” Lance asked, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Clenching into fists and then relaxing as Keith took another deep breath, trying to get his thoughts together… or something.</p><p> </p><p>Keith rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Before looking up, and then forcing himself to meet Lance’s eyes. “I— you’re going to leave.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me?”</p><p> </p><p>“The team. When we get back to Earth, you all have better things to go to, and I want to leave before I get even more attached than I already am.”</p><p> </p><p>There went Lance’s heart for the second time in not very much time at all.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Lance managed. “Keith.”</p><p> </p><p>“And it’s— it’s fine, I get it, I wouldn’t want to spend any extra time with me either. Especially knowing who I am and—”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s bullshit.” Lance’s voice was surprisingly loud, enough that Keith looked slightly startled. “Bullshit. First of all, intergalactic war, we’re not going to find a lot of life experience. Second of all even if we weren’t wrapped up in all of this, I’d still want to be your friend. You still need to meet my family, and Mama is going to adopt you,” Lance smiled. </p><p> </p><p>“He’d rather be her son-in-law!” Pidge yelled from the otherside of the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off Pidge!” Lance yelled.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you!” Pidge yelled back. “Are you two done yet? Because I’m about to tackle Keith!”</p><p> </p><p>Lance and Keith just looked at each other, and Keith nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Lance said.</p><p> </p><p>The door flung open, and everyone came running in. Allura was the first one out, pushing past Shiro. Flinging her arms around Keith’s neck and hugging him so tight that he winced as Allura basically squeezed the life out of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t. Breathe.” Keith managed and Allura put him back on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“You, Keith, are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” Allura pat Keith on the head and Keith looked confused, but let it happen. “But you’re still the little brother I never wanted.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith rolled his eyes, as Pidge launched herself at him. Hugging around his waist. Before headbutting Keith in the stomach, who laughed loudly and Pidge laughed too. But hugged Keith so hard that Keith winced.</p><p> </p><p>“We want you here, dipshit,” Pidge said smiling up at Keith. “Who else is going to tell me that Shakira is immortal and Queen Elizabeth totally had her consciousness uploaded to a computer.”</p><p> </p><p>Hunk joined next, hugging Pidge and Keith. “Who’s going to cook with me? And tell me when somethings burning with their weirdly good sense of smell, or eat something that’s almost impossible to eat.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then have some lemon juice on a salad,” Pidge added, “Then gag, and eat something spicy enough to end someone’s bloodline then vomit because of the pinch of lemon juice.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s going to punch me in the nose?” Allura said, wrapping her arms around everyone else, creating the cocoon that was the love and affection everyone was sharing with each other. “Or tell me that I’m being a… ‘fucking idiot’ is that right Pidge?”</p><p> </p><p>Pidge nodded and Shiro sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s why you’re here,” Allura supplied with a smile, ruffling Keith’s hair who tried to fight her off but Allura was stronger. </p><p> </p><p>Keith mumbled something in response, and Pidge started trying to ruffle his hair too as Keith yelled and protested about it.</p><p> </p><p>Shiro nudged Lance, and Lance jumped. “You look like you’ve seen the ocean for the first time,” Shiro mused.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be stupid,” Lance crossed his arms and watched Coran start to try and mess up Allura’s hair as Allura and Keith started protesting and flapping their arms about. “I’ve seen the ocean since I was young, haven’t seen someone like Keith before.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re disgusting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Lance sighed, as Keith laughed loudly and pushed at Hunk as he rolled his eyes. “It’s kinda gross.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro glanced at Lance, “How is your arm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, fine,” Lane waved an arm, pulling up his shirt and revealing smooth skin, with some small scars dotted around his arm, but no burns. “See? Nothing. Don’t blame yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro took a deep breath, “It’s hard. I’m trying.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s all I can ask you,” Lance gave a smile at Shiro who smiled back, still slightly tired, but less tired than Lance had seen it before. Lance pat Shiro on the shoulder, who looked at him, and rolled his eyes. “Wow, I give you my love and support and this is how you repay me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want Black then?” Shiro mused and Lance faltered for a solid five seconds. “You’re lying to yourself if you don’t think you’d be a good leader.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe,” Lance watched as Keith yelped and picked Pidge up, throwing her onto the couch before pretending to beat her up as Pidge roared with laughter and Allura ‘fought’ to get Keith off of her. </p><p> </p><p>It was quite a good acting job from everyone.</p><p> </p><p>Hunk was dramatically sobbing in the corner, pleading to Keith to keep his “little precious sunshine, not at all sarcastic baby safe!” As Coran looked like he was about to hit himself with a brick dramatically.</p><p> </p><p>“You shall not hurt Pidgeon Holt!” Allura yelled and Keith stopped. Standing up straight, before doubling over and roaring with laughter, which was loud and beautiful and Shiro groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s my baby brother, don’t be gross.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not a baby, look at him.”</p><p> </p><p>Keith screamed, not unlike a baby as Allura tackled him.</p><p> </p><p>Ah. Okay then. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay…” Lance shuffled on his feet. “Fair.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro thumped Lance in the back, with a shock that made Lance jump out of his hand, and his hand over his bayard. As Shiro shook his head a little, but still smiled fondly at him. “Don’t try and hurt him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not planning on doing anything,” Lance crossed his arms. “Maybe just like… admiring from a distance.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should.” Shiro said as Keith finally got up from his laughter, tears in the corners of his eyes as Allura and Hunk both tackled him and started hitting him with pillows. “You make him really happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe…” Lance turned his head a smidgen to look at Keith. “Probably. But it matters with him y’know, if I fuck it up, it matters on a universal scale… I don’t want to risk the universe for one person.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you would,” Shiro responded looking straight ahead. “I’d risk the entire universe for about… eight, nine… maybe ten people and I think you’d risk everything for more people than me.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance nodded. “I— no, he doesn’t like me back. Even if he did, we’re in a war. We have other things to be doing.”</p><p> </p><p>Shiro raised an eyebrow, looking at Lance, with bewilderment. Like what Lance was saying was so utterly outlandish that Shiro couldn’t even comprehend that Lance had said it. He blinked a few times, before looking at Keith, then back at Lance.</p><p> </p><p>He then facepalmed.</p><p> </p><p>“Lance. Love is what we fight for.”</p><p> </p><p>“We fight for the universe, and each other.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s love,” Shiro said, “Maybe it’s not the same type of love… but that’s why we fight. For love.”</p><p> </p><p>Lance rolled his eyes, “You’re being dumb.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m older,” he flicked Lance in the head and Lance batted Shiro away. “Listen to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oi!” Pidge yelled, as Allura had her in what could’ve been an arm-bar if Allura felt that way inclined. “What the fuck do you two think you’re doing? You’re not too cool to try and wrestle us!”</p><p> </p><p>Lance rolled his eyes, but moved forwards.</p><p> </p><p>Keith was smiling and laughing, a stark contrast from earlier.</p><p> </p><p>So Lance didn’t really have much of a choice.</p><p> </p><p>He was completely smitten for this boy, and Shiro was right, he’d risk the universe, and more for Keith. </p><p> </p><p>And that in itself was terrifying, but Lance was ready to take on any fear he had if Keith was by his side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't believe I wrote this. It's so soft.</p><p>Does Keith still have abandonment issues and is prone to lash out? Yes. Yes he is. But is he working on it, and does he know that the team care? Yeah. Sometimes it's gonna go badly, but they're all working on it and as Lance said "That’s all I can ask you" Is trying going to be a theme? Probably.</p><p>Thank y'all for reading. I hope you enjoyed!</p><p> Quick question. Feel free to answer or not. Does it feel like they're a family/friends because that's something Voltron kinda screwed up and I'm trying to fix it. I need to work on Lance &amp; Allura and Lance &amp; Shiro. But I think I'm pretty good?</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>